No Fate But What We Make
by Maxi-Luca
Summary: What was going through Trudy Chacon's mind when she decided to disobey orders and not fire upon the Na'vi? What went through her head when she made the decision to break out Jake and co.? And finally, what went through her head in her final moments?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Authors Note: This is my first ever 1st POV story. So I barely watched Avatar and only saw it once, so forgive me if the order of things aren't perfect. Example, I was under the impression Trudy was still an active Marine when watching the film, but after reading all kind of stuff online, says shes an ex-Marine. I had already started writing this so shes still an active Marine in this fic. I felt kind of cheated when it came to Trudy Chacon. It was a little random her leaving her duties and joining Jake, there was no insight to it. Then she dies. So, I thought Id give a little insight seeing as she was technically the only colored person that wasn't blue. Haha.

No Fate But What We Make

There I was, my thumb on the button, ready to launch the missile at the Na'vi home tree. But I hesitated. I used my peripherals and saw my comrades firing, destroying and killing these beings, these, in their own right, people. They were people here after all, this is their home world, were the aliens, right? I mean, I was told by the Colonel that we are superior, that they're nothing but savages. Indigenous savages.

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Indigenous. Savages.

Those two words rung in my ears, pounded through my head and haunted my thoughts. Indigenous. Savages. I shook my head, I couldn't do it and closed the flap back, covering the button, "I didn't sign up for this shit," I said into the mic, knowing the Colonel would hear and turned my Samson around, heading back to base.

"What the fuck, Chacon?! Where the hell are you going?!" Private Taylor, a gunner, shouted at me. All I could do was smirk, I was higher rank than him, but Ill let him have his moment.

"Back to base. Or did you think I was gunna fly back to Earth?" I asked him sarcastically.

"We have orders!"

I stayed quiet for a moment, he was right. I knew Colonel Quaritch was going to hand me my ass on a silver platter after this, but right now, I really didn't care. "I followed up until now. Killing innocents draws the line for me. I'm a combat pilot. I'm suppose to defend from attacks, not kill those who are no threat."

_Indigenous. Savages._ Therere those words again. Why did I care so much?

I was done with Taylor, I didn't need to explain myself to him as I clenched my jaw. Truth was, I really didn't have much of an explanation other than it felt wrong to kill those innocents. But a part of me knew it was deeper than that. I just couldn't quite place my finger on it.

There went any good mood I could have had for the day. Course, it wasn't likely to begin with. This was going to bug the hell out of me. Why would I risk my military career like this? Why?

When I got to base and parked my Samson, I nearly had to have an outer body experience to keep from attack Taylor as he kept shouting profanities at me. Once I got out and my feet were on the ground, Taylor wasted no time yelling more into my ear. I had enough. I turned around with the hardest look I could muster, which wasn't too difficult since I was seemingly born with a hard look, and said, "You better get off my fucking back, Private!" There I went, throwing my rank.

He looked at me with wide eyes and such surprise, I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. Guess he forgot I was a corporal. "You will not take that tone with me," I said, sounding more like a staff sergeant than I should have. Oh yeah, I was pissed. "I made a decision, you won't be punished for it." I turned my back to him ready to walk away, then I remembered something. I barely turned my head back and said, "One more thing," I turned completely around, "Talk to me like that again and I'll fucking castrate you. Comprende, pendejo?" I was pleased when he nodded vigorously.

I walked fast through base and went straight into my quarters, trying to escape all the talk that was already circulating. I didn't feel like facing anyone, especially Selfridge. I mean, I'm probably going to get discharged for disobeying orders. Shit. Why did I do this?

_You know why,_ a voice whispered loudly in my head. My conscience, how wonderful.

I sat at my desk in my small apartment, idly playing with my necklace, an old family airloom. Designed after paintings from sometime in the 1500s.

_Why?_

It's getting at me again. It was starting to infuriate me beyond all words. I buried my head in my hands, contemplating my likely discharge. My eyes stung. Shit. There it was, the girly side of me. Yes, I, Trudy Chacon, was actually an emotional person; an emotional girl. I just hardly every let it show, only in private. Then I felt tears running down my cheeks as I sniffed my sobs down. I really did ruin my career, didn't I? Why the hell did I do it?!

I sat there, crying silently, save for a few whimpers and sobs and all I kept thinking was about myself. I could have laughed all the way to the looney bin. I disobeyed orders because I felt strongly about the situation, now I'm crying because I disobeyed orders? Jeez, man, am I all of a sudden bi-polar?

Just then, my door rang. "Come in," I called out, knowing who it was, the only person who could ever calm me down from a panic. At least I was pretty sure who it was. The doors slid open, but I didn't turn around, my left hand went from my face to my necklace; it was comforting feeling my silver Paloma de Paz. It was also contradictory seeing as how it represented peace. And yet, I'm a marine.

"Hey, cowgirl," a soft and feminine voice called to me. I lifted my head, my cheeks still stained. I felt soft arms wrap around my shoulders as Dr. Naomi Maclay rested her chin on my shoulder and whispered into my ear, "How are you doing?"

I smiled slightly, turned a little in her direction and replied, "Been better."

Her arms tightened around me ever so slightly,"I'm proud of you, Trudy," she said sincerely.

I couldn't help but smile as I pulled away from her. I stood up from my chair, rubbed my eyes one more time, then turned to face her. I soaked in her image, even though we'd been together for years now, I'm still captivated by her; her cherry chestnut hair in a ponytail that mimicked mine with her long bangs hanging down the sides of her face, the iciest blue eyes I had ever seen behind black rimmed glasses, and her smooth skin with the slightest tan. She was just about an inch taller than me, but leaner. I was the muscle head in the relationship apparently, ha. She had told me before that her ancestors had been from Ireland and eventually migrated to the United States sometime in the early 20th century. Mine were from Peru, mostly, and only about one or two generations ago did they head to the states. Well, now, the world is more of a one world government of types. Countries became almost like provinces or states. Its stupid because the countries still act independently but under a single government? Like the United Nations organization thing was back in the 20th and 21st century was.

Ugh, there I go rambling on about my family history and how Earth was and now is. Like anyone really gives a shit. We're all one race anyways, the human race, right?

"I kind of feel like I'm about to puke, to be honest," I said with a shrug.

Then Naomi walked up to me and hugged me again, "You did the right thing." I nodded but didn't say anything. "You did." Apparently she thought I didn't believe her. I mean, I did, I just was scared; am scared. "I mean," she continued, "The Na'vi have feelings and feel pain just like us."

"I know," I said hesitantly.

"But?" she asked, not skipping a beat.

I sighed. Slowly I removed myself from her embrace and made my way to the bed and sat at the edge. Buried my head in my hands again. This was torture. Why the fuck did I do this? "Now that I'm not shooting at innocent civilians," I started, lifted my head, still not looking at Naomi, "All I can think about now is why did I disobey orders. I mean, this is going to have repercussions."

_Indigenous. Savages._

Now why do I keep repeating those two words in my head?

Naomi sat next to me on the bed and grabbed my hand and placed it gently into her own and leaned into me. "Trudy," she started, "It's okay to worry. Its okay."

I felt like my stomach was in my throat. It was very hard to swallow. "I ruined my military career. How am I suppose to support myself when were done here and go back to Earth?" Panic began to sink in. I was never one to think of the consequences of my actions when it involved what I thought was right, but when I did, it was always a worst case scenario type of thing.

More tears fell from my eyes again; dammit, I really hated crying. Now I was really glad only Naomi was here. She has been the only person to see me cry. Other than my mother, that is.

"Tru," she used her nickname for me, "I'll support both of us."

For some reason, that lit a spark or fuse in me. My tears stopped instantly and I stared at her as if she had just slapped me. Dammit, I felt myself losing my grip and going into auto-pilot. "Goddammit, Naomi!" I shouted, jumping up from the bed onto my feet, "That's not the point!" Yeah, I was on a roll, no stopping the Trudy-train now, "I've worked my ass off for almost 12 years. I joined the marines right out of fucking high school and got ridiculed because I'm female," I turned my back to her and paced for a moment, then turned back to face her, "You'd think after women being in the military since, what? World War 1? World War 2? That we'd be treated better," I was ranting now more toward myself than to Naomi, but I wasn't sure why, "Obviously fucking not! How do I expect us to treat the Na'vi right when we cant even treat ourselves-" then I stopped suddenly. My angry fire vanished and then I had an epiphany. "Wait," I said to myself. Naomi just looked at me expectantly.

My breathing and heart rate slowed. Like a snail, my head leaned down to look at my chest and I touched my necklace again. In my hand, there it was, the silver bird. Paloma de Paz; Dove of Peace, shaped after the bird paintings found in many ancient artwork of the Inca, my ancestors, before they were conquered by-

Oh, God.

"How could I have been so oblivious," I said. "Son of a bitch!" I paced again, "The same goddamn thing has happened in our own history!" A new Trudy-train started, "The Europeans called the indigenous people of the Americas savages and conquered them. Just like whats happening here!"

"As a species, it seems we repeat our past, never learning from it," Naomi finally said. "It is in our nature to destroy ourselves." I swear she knew how our conversation would end up.

"I gotta talk to Selfridge," I said suddenly.

"You think he'll listen?" Naomi asked me skeptically.

"Worth a short, isn't it?" I countered.

"I'm not sure," she mumbled then hung her head down.

"Why?" Man, it seemed like she was being harder to convince than Selfridge would.

"Quaritch is a big influence on him. He's pretty much your modern day Kaiser Wilhelm the second."

"Who?" I wasn't much of a history buff, just knew the basics.

"Nevermind," she said a little annoyed, "Point is, Quaritch won't budge on this. He won't care about near ancient history."

"I guess you're right," I said dejectedly. Naomi got up and walked right up to me. She pit her hands at my cheeks then moved them to the base of my neck at the sides.

"Don't worry," she said, then gently kissed me with her soft lips. When she pulled back, I kept my eyes closed and leaned my head forward until our foreheads touched. "We'll think of something," she whispered to me. I kissed her again. I always feel so safe and secure when her and I are together.

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TBC...

**Authors Note:** Oh yeah, I made Trudy a lesbian. Not for the shock value but mainly because there arent too many gay characters in anything. Did anyone catch a Terminator reference? This was originally a one-shot, because I can never finish multi-chapter fics, but, this was just too long, I want to keep going till Trudys end. But theres so much in between.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**No Fate But What We Make**

Quaritch paged me to meet him in the war room. Needless to say I was shitting bricks. Walking down the hallways made me feel like I was walking down the green mile. Maybe I was. Naomi walked at my side, holding my hand. Can't lie when I say it did little to comfort me, but at least I wasn't in full blown panic mode. Yes, even Trudy Chacon loses her cool. But it was more for what might become of my career, what I worked for. Believe me, I can handle anyone in my face.

"I feel like I'm walking to my death or something. Seeing these halls empty like this," I said, my voice shaking ever so slightly.

"Don't be so melodramatic," Naomi teased.

"You don't know Quaritch like I do."

"No, I don't, but he's not going to kill you-"

"That's not what I'm afraid of," I interrupted.

"Worst thing he can do is suspend you." It was sweet of her to try and look at the glass half full. But I was a realist for the most part.

The rest of the walk was mainly silent, save for the random marine or scientist or whoever that would cross our path. A few times I felt her squeeze my hand reassuringly. It made my heart flutter a little, but in a good way.

Randomly, Dr. Max Patel came from a room, practically crashing into us. "Trudy," he said a little out of breath.

"Yeah?" Wonder what he wanted.

"I just wanted to say you're amazing for what you did." He smiled at me. It sort of made me feel weird, I wasn't used to this much praise. Despite that it was only Naomi and Max that had given it to me. I'm just not used to that. It was always a "Good job, Chacon," one time and that's it. No one but me and my commanding officer.

"Yeah, well," I didn't know what to say and I swayed on my feet a bit like some bashful kid. It disgusted me a little, ha. Like I was ever bashful, I was brash if anything.

"And, uh," he stumbled, "Good luck with the Colonel." He nodded to me.

"Thanks," I replied, nodding also.

Then we continued the walk, leaving Max behind. It wasn't long before I reached the war room. We stopped a few yards away from the door and I turned to face Naomi. She looked at me, her eyes piercing into my soul, or that's how it felt.

"Give him hell, Tru," she told me. I finally heard the tiniest hint of fear.

I just stared at her for a moment, breathed in, then moved my one hand to her arm, the other to the back of her neck and brought our lips crashing together. For some reason, it felt like this would be one of the last times I'd get to kiss her. Our lips battled each other for a while before I pulled back. "I need to go in," I huskily said, very much not wanting to go. All Naomi did was nod.

I let go of her and walked the remaining feet to the door. I composed myself, straightened up, and walked right up to the automatic door. It opened to reveal a very pissed off looking Quaritch.

"Sit, Chacon," Quaritch ordered, pointing to a random chair in the middle of the room. Great, this had the feel of an interrogation. Since when was I a criminal? Oh, right. Disobeying orders can be grounds for treason. I sat. He walked away from me and kept his back to me for a long time. I swear, the tension was so thick it could have been cut with a knife.

Finally Quaritch turned to face me, his eyes were daggers and his jaw was clenched way too tight for comfort. I really wondered if he was cracking his molars. "I can't believe you," he said to me, a little too calm.

"Permission to speak, Colonel." I would help it, the manners.

"Denied!" he shouted. Here it comes, "You disobeyed orders and left your comrades to pick up your slack!" Give me a break, my slack? As if it was a justified war. As if the Na'vi were a real threat.

"Sir, with all due respect-"

"You will speak when given permission, soldier!" he rudely interrupted me, shouting right in my face. I didn't flinch though. I wasn't easily intimidated, especially by men, but his breath reeked of garlic, ugh. I always hated the smell of garlic.

I stared back at him defiantly.

"Sully, Spellman, and Augustine, they're anarchists. You are a solider!"

I wanted so badly to punch him in that smug face of his. But I was determined to have him hear me out. "Sir, we've done this before!" I said as quickly as I could, maybe a little louder than necessary.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He looked at me questioningly. Lord, he looked like he had a huge suppository up his ass.

Well, here goes the history lesson. "We've done this before," I repeated, "When the Europeans conquered the Americas. We're no different from back then."

He seemed to absorb the information. For a second, I actually thought my little factual statement had gotten through to him. "You're wrong, Trudy," he said, his voice sounding hallow. He leaned forward and grabbed my necklance, my dove, inspecting it. His eyes glanced over it as if it was the most ridiculous thing ever created. Why did I even bother trying to appeal to him? "We're better than them. Because now we've got the fire power."

We stared at each other for a while before he exhaled and stood up straight, releasing my necklace. He shook his head at me as if I was his daughter and I had just shamed him somehow. "You are relieved of your duties, Corporal Chacon. You will be sent back to Earth first thing in the morning," he told me with finality.

That son of a bitch.

My heart raced and my blood pounded through my veins. Slowly my vision blurred and everything was turning red. I needed to leave before I lost it. Yeah, I had anger issues. I jumped up from the chair, knocking it over, and stormed out leaving Quaritch to stare at my pissed off ass.

Once I was out of the war room, I stomped all the way back to my quarters. So it was going to be like this, huh? I was to be discharged, no questions.

Once I entered my room, I kicked over my desk chair. Man, chairs seem to be on the receiving end of my fury. I was so pissed. I truthfully didn't want to leave. I mean, I was here from the beginning. And Naomi was here, I couldn't bare to part with her for God knows how long. Not to mention Jake, Norm, and Grace, I really liked those guys.

Just then, speak of the devil, Naomi bursts in through the door, looking frantic, "Trudy!" she called out, "What happened?" she asks as she walks up to me, putting her hands on my arms.

I break free from her grip and turned my back to her, still royally pissed. I needed to calm down, Naomi doesn't deserve my anger. I turned back to face her, "That bastard discharged me!" I shouted, my arm pointing in the general direction of the war room, "He's sending me back to Earth tomorrow morning!"

"What?" she asked, disbelieving.

"Yeah!" I nodded, "And what's more, the son of a bitch didn't even show any kind of remorse when I told him of our history. He seemed to get off on it."

Naomi made a face, "That's disgusting."

"He practically did!"

We both stayed silent for a moment, neither one of us wanting this to be true. "I don't want you to leave," she whispered.

"I don't either," I said, much more calmly. I walked up to her, finally, and hugged her, taking in her natural scent mixed with her soap; sour apple and honeysuckle that went nicely with my aloe and cucumber. My chest ached and my eyes stung; I really couldn't bare to leave her. "Come back home with me," I said suddenly.

She pulled away and looked at me like I was drunk or something, "What?"

"Come back with me," I repeated, pleadingly, "I can't be away from you."

"Trudy," she said in a way that told me what her answer was.

"Naomi, please," I begged.

She shook her head, "I can't just leave like that, Tru. I have a job to do."

I let go of her really fast and backed up away from her, "I did too, but I turned my back on it," I started to argue back, "You're just gunna stay here and watch Selfridge let Quaritch have a field day killing the Na'vi?"

I think I hurt her because she looked at me as if she caught me with another woman or something. I can't believe I just did that, what a low blow. Good one, Trudy. "Naomi," I said gently, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

She closed her eyes and looked down, nodding slightly, "I know," she whispered.

"I just," I tried to explain myself, "I'm so angry. I can't go out like this. I can't be away from you, I can't see the Na'vi die like this, and yet I can't do anything about it." I felt like I was losing my mind. The room felt like it was beginning to spin, so before I fell over, I sat on the bed. I felt really ashamed. If only I could turn the tables, just do something that'd help the Na'vi.

"_Naomi? Naomi?"_ a voice called out from Naomi's communicator around her neck.

Naomi looked at me, asking me with her eyes if she could answer. I just waved my hand and laid down on the bed. I eavesdropped.

"Yes, Max?" she answered.

"_They just brought in Dr. Augustine and Jake."_

"And?" I smiled. The way she said it sounded a little annoyed, kind of like the way I'd have said it. Only she was much more polite than I ever would be.

"_They're in a holding cell. They arrested Norm Spellman too."_

Why would they arrest him too? This is getting ridiculous. I almost wanted to just fight my own species-

Wait.

"Max!" I called out.

"Hold on," Naomi said to me, then into her communicator she said, "Max, Trudy wants to talk to you." Quickly, Naomi undid the communicator and handed it to me.

I put it on as fast as I could. "Max?" I said again.

"_Trudy?"_

"Get over here to my quarters. And make it fast."

"_Why?"_

I looked up at Naomi, with a big smile on my face. She looked at me quizzically, which only made me smile wider. "We gotta make a plan, man. We're gunna bust out Augustine, Sully, and Spellman."

_TBC…_


End file.
